i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
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I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
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I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.