Texts From Last Night

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  (702): View more from Nevada

  I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.

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  (702): I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet. http://tfl.nu/4zwd
  Replies (36) Good night (3495) Bad night (1159)
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  (231): View more from Michigan

  Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.

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  (231): Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it. http://tfl.nu/ct5c
  Replies (8) Good night (4572) Bad night (634)
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  (858): View more from California

  She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.

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  (858): She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause. http://tfl.nu/nsj4
  Replies (38) Good night (5798) Bad night (856)
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  (917): View more from New York City

  Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that

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  (917): Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that http://tfl.nu/jdka
  Replies (6) Good night (5665) Bad night (722)
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  (323): View more from California

  Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.

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  (323): Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision. http://tfl.nu/3mn1
  Replies (22) Good night (6843) Bad night (794)
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt

  (1-732): View more from New Jersey

  ..im mad u rememberd about that

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  (732): i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt (1-732): ..im mad u rememberd about that http://tfl.nu/q0le
  Replies (14) Good night (1104) Bad night (3545)
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  (816): View more from Missouri

  at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?

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  (816): at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea? http://tfl.nu/mw1i
  Replies (13) Good night (3438) Bad night (1125)
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  (773): View more from Illinois

  Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.

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  (773): Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys. http://tfl.nu/y8cg
  Replies (2) Good night (2254) Bad night (665)
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  (908): View more from New Jersey

  It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.

  (637): View more from

  We made popcorn last night. So it's both

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  (908): It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one. (637): We made popcorn last night. So it's both http://tfl.nu/itvi
  Replies (2) Good night (586) Bad night (1225)
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  (949): View more from California

  Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.

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  (949): Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me. http://tfl.nu/lccl
  Replies (3) Good night (2488) Bad night (738)
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  (813): View more from Florida

  Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult

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  (813): Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult http://tfl.nu/ufyx
  Replies (6) Good night (1982) Bad night (638)
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  (914): View more from New York

  But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.

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  (914): But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level. http://tfl.nu/ncka
  Replies (2) Good night (618) Bad night (902)
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  (908): View more from New Jersey

  best eviction party ever.

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.

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  (908): best eviction party ever. (610): it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party. http://tfl.nu/o2dt
  Replies (2) Good night (906) Bad night (417)
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  (816): View more from Missouri

  OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.

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  (816): OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER. http://tfl.nu/yom4
  Replies (1) Good night (462) Bad night (217)
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  (251): View more from Alabama

  The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging

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  (251): The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging http://tfl.nu/8h2b
  Replies (1) Good night (361) Bad night (125)

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