he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I think I just shit out all my problems.
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