Texts From Last Night

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  (269): View more from Michigan

  Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown

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  (269): Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown http://tfl.nu/j7bk
  Replies (3) Good night (1599) Bad night (628)
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  (973): View more from New Jersey

  yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day

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  (973): yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day http://tfl.nu/9i5e
  Replies (13) Good night (1219) Bad night (2672)
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  (702): View more from Nevada

  just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?

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  (702): just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked? http://tfl.nu/yp0o
  Replies (25) Good night (597) Bad night (3284)
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.

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  (503): my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew. http://tfl.nu/fdzr
  Replies (88) Good night (5480) Bad night (830)
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  (914): View more from New York

  fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.

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  (914): fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no. http://tfl.nu/w88c
  Replies (17) Good night (1118) Bad night (5775)
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  (541): View more from Oregon

  I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during

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  (541): I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during http://tfl.nu/1ah0
  Replies (4) Good night (917) Bad night (3106)
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  (307): View more from Wyoming

  I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.

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  (307): I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real. http://tfl.nu/ype2
  Replies (3) Good night (599) Bad night (1154)
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  (254): View more from Texas

  That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.

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  (254): That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it. http://tfl.nu/3la0
  Replies (10) Good night (1527) Bad night (619)
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  (206): View more from Washington

  Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.

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  (206): Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended. http://tfl.nu/3jtg
  Replies (6) Good night (811) Bad night (674)
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  (615): View more from Tennessee

  That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion

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  (615): That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion http://tfl.nu/imr6
  Replies (3) Good night (780) Bad night (393)
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  (316): View more from Kansas

  She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.

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  (316): She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public. http://tfl.nu/5b68
  Replies (3) Good night (1369) Bad night (397)
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  (517): View more from Michigan

  I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?

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  (517): I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right? http://tfl.nu/axzn
  Replies (0) Good night (419) Bad night (247)
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  (937): View more from Ohio

  Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.

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  (937): Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though. http://tfl.nu/d5b6
  Replies (0) Good night (426) Bad night (189)
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  (479): View more from Arkansas

  I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.

  (479): View more from Arkansas

  It was "against protocol"

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  (479): I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me. (479): It was "against protocol" http://tfl.nu/5591
  Replies (5) Good night (679) Bad night (245)
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  (740): View more from Ohio

  I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?

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  (740): I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin? http://tfl.nu/l0iy
  Replies (3) Good night (839) Bad night (244)

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