I'm gonna have a badass scar
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
