she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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