This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
