talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize