I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Redeem this text for a blowjob
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Randomize
