It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Randomize
