u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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