just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
