she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Randomize
