Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
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