non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
