They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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