how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
