All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
