I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
