Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
