RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
