I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
