Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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