It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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