I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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