Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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