call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
