Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
