I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
