the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
