This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
