How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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