so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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