If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
