I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
