Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
True strength comes from lack of pants
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
