I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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