Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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