no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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