Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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