I just made out with a guy for $7.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
