They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
You need Xanax blowdarts
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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