I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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