OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Sorry my hands just texted you
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
