my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
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