Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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