Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Randomize
