she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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