I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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