Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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