he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize
