Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Mom said you looked used
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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