if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
we should paint friendship bongs
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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