Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
