yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
