You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
