We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
