How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Randomize
