What did we do last night that was yellow?
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
