woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
