so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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