It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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