she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
bring money and cleavage
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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