this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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