Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
