is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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