Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
