When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
