True but thats because hes a fetus.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
