you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
