He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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