Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
