I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
