My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
