She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
