everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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