I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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