yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Randomize