My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
she pinky promised me she was 18
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
We left an ass print on the piano.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
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