I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
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